Top 10 Ways We Spending our Stimulus Check

Praises be to the almighty God. We's thankful, yes we are, for all the responses we been getting. Yall, keep em coming.

So, we been thanking. I asked Ruthie Ann what's the best way we gonna spend our stimulus check money. She came up with some ideas, and sho nuff, I did too. After we goes to the check cashing store, we going shopping. I sincerely hopes yall go on out and try some of our ideas. We will...hell, and we may even post some pictures.

With Love,
Mrs. Mabel & Mrs. Ruthie

Ruthie Ann's Top 5
5. Underwear - Child, you can throw out all of your old bloomers and get cha some new ones with this money. Now personally we recommends Hanes Her way cuz they comes in different sizes, colors, and styles. Course, every once and again we womens likes to feel sexy, so we gets the one with that string that goes up ya rear. They really ain't so bad, 'cept last time took me forever to remember where that damn strang had gone. I guess that's what happens when you got all these preserves as Mabel would say.

4. A Party - Whew baby, now we all loves us a good party every once and again. I says this, whenever we gets some extra money down here in the south we do us a little C & C Party. We calls it Collards and Chitlin's. We loves both, we fries them, boils them, bakes them, even stews them. Problem is our stomachs ain't as ripe as they used to be. So, we gets us some Dulcolax and some fiber pills as a chaser to them chitlin's and collards. Don't go too far from the house after you done eatin, don't wanna mess around and um...mess around, if you knows what I means!

3. Hair - Wigs chile, wigs. Now at our ages you know it's hard to keep your 'do looking fresh. See, my current suga son (opposite of a suga daddy) keeps trying to get too damn freaky deaky and he ends up pulling my good hair all the time. Course, he's the one I'm committed to...at the time, so I needs to make sure I'm wearing my good wig on our freaky days. Problem is ain't no telling when little Tyron's little one is gonna be ready, so like Pastor always says, be ye also ready. Chile, I'm gonna get me two good wigs that way when Tyron pulls the first good one, I'll have that good ol' ram in the bush!

2. Knee Highs - Child, talking about fashion - this is a must have. We done worn our nudes one so much during the Mother's appreciation, usher's appreciation, choir's appreciation, deacon's appreciation, and pastor's appreciation that we got runs all in our knee highs. And since you know ain't no good ensemble complete or couture enough without our nude knee highs - we can appreciate ourselves by picking us up a couple of new pairs. Now don't yall walk out that house without no good knee highs on, ladies never do that. Hell, that Devil will make a fool outta you...only if you let him.

5. Casino Night - Of course you knows we gotta plan a trip down to the local casino with our good wigs and nude knee highs. Alls we doing is evangelism, right? We spreading the good news about Jesus and playing our lady luck at the same time. Ain't nothing wrong with that. Now the pastor is always preachin' bout being a giver...so with our checks, we gonna give. And in this case we hoping our giving comes back to us 100 fold, pressed together, shaken over, and running down (or however that goes, child they got me up in here trying something called jose cuervo).

Mrs. Mabel's Top 5

5. Starbucks - Talking about addiction - you gotta treats yaself to some of that good name brand stuff. Now Ruthie Ann usually drinks an off brand instant coffee (she's common chile, common folks will do anything these days. Remember that woman at the well - common). Anyways, Lawd knows we loves us some good coffee - so get some every once in a while (side note: if you anything like that Ruthie Ann, then you'll get a half pint of Brandy and put a shot in your coffee. She says it adds to the flavor that's all). That's probably why that heffa mistakes her good wig for that foolish one her suga son done pulled all outta shape. I shole hope she uses protection. That Ruthie Mae shole is one rolling stone!


4. Giving Back - Time and time again Ruthie Ann and myself, we talks about how we needs to help these young gals with jelly 'stead of preserves. So we says we gonna start some type of program where we can teach these girls the golden rule. So many times they just giving it away. Don't save nothing for their husband, for marriage. I never did understand it. You know ya wedding night should be special. You should be untouched. Course, there's a difference if you giving it away for a cause. Before LB and I got all caught up for real, I was only giving it away for hook-ups and come-ups. If you weren't coming out with the cash, I wasn't giving up no a--. And I meant that! Chile, I got tired of upgrading these sorry deacons and trustees. I had done a good work! Anyway, we gone teach the young gals how to sell the cow, instead of just giving the milk away for free.

3. Ministry - Yes, chile - we can't forget that we is some saved, sanctified, womens of God! Halleluyer. So, we got to give back in ministry. Yall heard about Mother Edna on that front row with her breath stankin'. Since we wrote that we been getting e-mails from so many people down at the church telling us that there are others in the church with stank breath. Child, we is starting the first ever Mint Ministry. Yes! If yo breath aint the best, then child, you pass the test. Just raise your hand and we will pass you a mint. Of course, we will need a treasurer and secretary for our auxillary. Anybody want to volunteer. We needs people with fresh breath and no sticky fingers to stand at the front door and pass out mints. Praise God!

2. PSA - What's the name of them thangs the po po's have on their car, them loud speaker thangs, that's what I need. Chile, I can be walking down to the local Walgreen's to pick up my green rubbin' alcohol and some epson salt, and I knows I'm fine as wine - that's why LB loves me so, but I get mens trying to holla at a sister all the time. What I don't understand is that why I gotta be Beyonce? Why do you holla at me so I can upgrade you? I never did understand that. Child, they looks a mess - always got balding hair trying to hold on to the little bit that's left. Next time some grown man with a comb over tries to get these digits, I'm gonna use my portable P.A. System and shout "WHEN IN DOUBT AND IT WON'T GROW, CUT IT OFF AND LET IT GO!"

1. Save - Now don't be no fool. Child, we in a recession and times is hard. I remember back in my day when times were hard, they were, but at least we could get a gallon of milk and some gas. Course, it was .11 cents a gallon back then. You youngin's better wake up and realize we in hard times. Get you a good sock (hell, I'll send yall one of our old knee highs) and put you some money in it and stuff it under your mattress for a rainy day. I would say put them in Ruthie Ann's titties (Lawd knows they big enough), but her men steals and I don't want yall blaming me when ya money is gone.

Alrighty then, we ain't gonna hold yall. We'll give yall an update on Friday before we go to the fish fry down at the church. That Edna got some stank breath, but that old heffa know she can fry up some catfish and make some good cabbages!

-Ruthie Ann & Mrs. Mabel