Is It Hypnotic??

To EVERYBODY

*Ruthie Ann is speaking*
“Me and Mabel has been reading all the wonderfuls blogs and we sho is inspired. We first wanna give praises to the Almighty King, Lord of Lords, Jesus Christ our Savior. Then we wanna recognize and honor alls the lay peoples in the congregation. We specially happy to acknowledge the Mothers of the house ova there in the first three rows. Mothers wave your handkerchiefs in the air. Look at them family ain’t theys pretty in them white hats. Praise the Lawd. Theys been round longer than most yall. Church say AMEN. Some of yall was still wetting your daddy’s dreams when those there Mothers joined the church. Dem there some dedicated prayer warriors too yall. Bless they hearts. Oh Lawd my throat sho is getting dry. Oh cuse me, Uusher is there some more of that blue stuff left for me to get a spill? I just needs a tasty taste. Lawd Mabel you finish talking chile’ while I see what that drank really is!”

*Mrs. Mabel is speaking*
Um, yes, well Praises to God. He's worthy ain't he. While Mabel gets a little something for her to drank. My testimony is gonna be short and sweet. You know, I thanks God for life. Chile, Sister Odessa didn't make it, Mother Geneva is on life support right now, but you know what...God is still good. That ol' heffa oughta be on life support though. Serves her ass, oops, I can't say that in the Lawd's house. Anyways, I'm standing before you to testify that we believes the Pastor be getting tipsy in service. How do we knows?

1. We saw the pastor at Rothschild Liquors this past weekend. We was there doing missions work, why was he there?

2. The pastor be trying to speak in tongues and he doesn't have that giftin...yall knows that. Besides, saying "can you work it, let me work it, put that thang down, flip it, and reverse it" ain't holy languages.

3. Doing the Casper Slide instead of the Holy Dance ain't right.

4. Instead of sanging our usual morning hymn when we's done, Pastor was sanging the words to Mariah Carey's new song Touch My Body.

So, yalls needs to be the jurdge. What do pastor be having in his cup? Why come it be so blue? Now I knows when I have my evening communion sometimes with Ruthie Ann our jesus juice be blue too, but it don't be all that holy. Please don't jurdge us! Hallelujah.


Question family? If you too want to know or already knows what in the world is that blue drank in the Pastors glass, you knows the glass sitting at the right hand of the pulpit then please come to the podium and tell us chile'. Is it Hypnotic?

-The Pew View Ladies

PS: Don't jurdge us! Halleluyer!