Evening Babies, I was just satting here thanking bout life and love. I started thinking bout all the mens I loved before. Well for a moment I started remembaing my first late husband who might surprise yall to know was a Puerto Rican lover. I used to calls him Mr. Garcia cause he was a short man who all ways wanted to prove to the world that he was tuff. Well to make his self asteem betta I called him Mr. Garcia. You know showing him some respect and all.
Anyway that man loved his family and he loved him some me. I really did cares bout Mr. Garcia but I just couldn't see myself having all them childrens he wanted. Funny thang is 6 husbands and many mens later I still ended up with 13 childrens. Oh well we live and we learn.
So babies, tells Old Ruthie Ann bout your first love. Go ahead and talk. I'm be listening while I sat ova here at the table and work on this batch of hog head cheese that Pastor want for the Annual Usher Banquet. He says ain't no party or celebration complete without the presence of the Lawd and a hog head cheese and crackers table. I loves my Pastor cause he sho knows how to put on a party to celebrate the working saints who keep the house of the Lawd in tact through theys hard labor. I still thank he helped Usher Lena get that tummy tuck she had last year. Hell I don't quite blame him though. Woman was so big she knocked a differant mother's hat off every sangle week for months. Them old womens was racing to the pew to keep from being on the end sit casing big booty belly Usher Lena was on duty. One thang as a Pastor that you don't eva eva wanna do is make the Mother's Board mad. Well yall gone head and tell me bout your first love. Chile' I'm listenin'.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Went to Sin City...I Ain't No Sinner
Well praise the lawd to everybody. It's me - Mabel. I'se shole glad to be back on some familiar ground. I guess now I knows what them childrens of Is-ra-el felt like wandering that wilderness.
Well, I figured that since we ain't got all the time in the world no mo' that LB and I should gone down to Vegas and renew our vowels. Yes child, our VOWELS. I sho hads me a good time. Too bad I can't say the same about my precious dear husband LB.
First, let me tell you. We stayed in the most regal place. I can't quite remember the name of the hotel, but chile, it had a water fall, baptismal pool, and a fountain that played music. It had lights too. It was nice and 'spensive. Of course, when you are supposed to be treated like a queen, I guess price ain't much to talk about these days. The peoples were real nice to us too. They even let me put my Epsom salt in the whirlpool. Child, I had all them white folks feeling good right along with me. I bet them sales at Walgreen's is gonna increase now - I wonder how I can get my cut. Everybody talking about a side hustle, hell, I needs me one too, especially now that LB done got some more medical bills now.
How did it happen? Well, my sweet ol' LB was trying to be romantic. And yes, child, sure, I done picked up a pound or two. I lose weight all the time. It just seems to find me all over again. LB though that after we got done renewing our vowels that he could pick me up and carry me over the threshold like he did 60-something years and a few pounds ago. Well, why in the Lord's name did he do that. Child, he pulled two muscles in his back, broke two ribs, and injured his foot. Well, I must say, that after I fell down, I was able to get right back up again. You know they say we fall down...and get up, cause a saint ain't nothing but a sinner who fell down! Well, I told LB to get off them slots when the Lord spoke to me, he didn't listen, know I thanks the Lord is repaying him back.
Child, I gots to go now. I needs to pay my tithes and give my offering and building fund money to the church. You know, even though I was "blessed" while in sin city with over 5,000.00 - it's still earnings and I gots to make sure there is plenty of meat in my storehouse. I loves me some meat.
Now yall pray for LB. Plus I need to put this pound cake in the oven. Ruthie Ann been missing me. Old heffa never did learn how to cook and since I've been gone she told me she been making hog head cheese all this time. Child, I need to pick up some mints when I goes over to her house too - I'm sure it smells like the inside of the pig she been eating for the last week. Yall pray my strength, hear!
With Love,
Mrs. Mabel
PS: We gonna finish answering all of yalls questions too. Yall so nosey. But that's fine so is Edna down at the church and Geneva on the Missions Board...we's used to it.
Well, I figured that since we ain't got all the time in the world no mo' that LB and I should gone down to Vegas and renew our vowels. Yes child, our VOWELS. I sho hads me a good time. Too bad I can't say the same about my precious dear husband LB.
First, let me tell you. We stayed in the most regal place. I can't quite remember the name of the hotel, but chile, it had a water fall, baptismal pool, and a fountain that played music. It had lights too. It was nice and 'spensive. Of course, when you are supposed to be treated like a queen, I guess price ain't much to talk about these days. The peoples were real nice to us too. They even let me put my Epsom salt in the whirlpool. Child, I had all them white folks feeling good right along with me. I bet them sales at Walgreen's is gonna increase now - I wonder how I can get my cut. Everybody talking about a side hustle, hell, I needs me one too, especially now that LB done got some more medical bills now.
How did it happen? Well, my sweet ol' LB was trying to be romantic. And yes, child, sure, I done picked up a pound or two. I lose weight all the time. It just seems to find me all over again. LB though that after we got done renewing our vowels that he could pick me up and carry me over the threshold like he did 60-something years and a few pounds ago. Well, why in the Lord's name did he do that. Child, he pulled two muscles in his back, broke two ribs, and injured his foot. Well, I must say, that after I fell down, I was able to get right back up again. You know they say we fall down...and get up, cause a saint ain't nothing but a sinner who fell down! Well, I told LB to get off them slots when the Lord spoke to me, he didn't listen, know I thanks the Lord is repaying him back.
Child, I gots to go now. I needs to pay my tithes and give my offering and building fund money to the church. You know, even though I was "blessed" while in sin city with over 5,000.00 - it's still earnings and I gots to make sure there is plenty of meat in my storehouse. I loves me some meat.
Now yall pray for LB. Plus I need to put this pound cake in the oven. Ruthie Ann been missing me. Old heffa never did learn how to cook and since I've been gone she told me she been making hog head cheese all this time. Child, I need to pick up some mints when I goes over to her house too - I'm sure it smells like the inside of the pig she been eating for the last week. Yall pray my strength, hear!
With Love,
Mrs. Mabel
PS: We gonna finish answering all of yalls questions too. Yall so nosey. But that's fine so is Edna down at the church and Geneva on the Missions Board...we's used to it.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
16 Days and Counting
Praise the Lawd. How my babies been doing? I wanted to thanks all of yall who been praying for me. I’m feeling much betta now. My grown folk diaper rash is gone and my tail is back to being as smooth as a baby’s bottom. If you wondering I still ain’t drank no Crown and I ain’t had no glaucoma medicine in 16 days and counting. It’s been a little rough on me but I just calls out to the Lawd for help. I’m sho nuff realizing that all them years I spent calling out a man’s name in the heat of passion I should have had more passion for the Lawd and called out his name. Well we lives and we learns. Anyways my grandson is still locked up and he wants me to put some money on his books. But chile I’m on a fixed income and I ain’t gone fix my income to feed him and his cell mate Buster no honey and peanut butta sandwiches while I’m out here eating Spam. No Lawd, he shoulda been saving all that money he was making stead of buying that bling fling crap he had round his neck every time I seens him. Now I was thanking bout sending him some Vaseline just in case (if you knows what I mean). Never know why that boy Buster got his name.
Ms Mabel and her hubby LB went to Sin City this week and so yall pray that she come back with as much money in her pocket as food in her belly. I knows she gone eat up the town at all them buffets down there in Vegas. She called me last night and said her and LB got matching tattoos wedding rings on their left big toe. Chile I don’t know what they was thanking fat and funky as they toes is. Anyway I bout to go make some hog head cheese for 12Kyle’s party so I ain’t gone keep yall much longer. Take care now.
Signed
Ruthie Ann
Ms Mabel and her hubby LB went to Sin City this week and so yall pray that she come back with as much money in her pocket as food in her belly. I knows she gone eat up the town at all them buffets down there in Vegas. She called me last night and said her and LB got matching tattoos wedding rings on their left big toe. Chile I don’t know what they was thanking fat and funky as they toes is. Anyway I bout to go make some hog head cheese for 12Kyle’s party so I ain’t gone keep yall much longer. Take care now.
Signed
Ruthie Ann
Monday, June 9, 2008
Baby the Thrill is Gone
Hey babies. Yall migtha been wondering where I beens. Well praise God old Ruthie Ann is still alive and kicking. Only thang is I been going through “the change”. Naw I ain’t talking bout menopause I did that years ago. Anyhow, over the past few weeks I realized a few thangs and I thought it be best that I share them with yall. But first let me thanks Mabel for being by my side and baking 9 pound cakes to makes me feel better. I sho appreciate her I just wish she woulda saved me at least one piece of cake. That women den gained 15 pounds over the last two weeks being a good friend to me. I loves her dearly with her fat greedy rolly polly tail. Anyway this is what I wanted to share with yall.
Few weeks ago Pastor preached on fornication and chile I got so convicted that I rushed home and told my sugar son Tyron he needed to marry me if he wanted to continue bumping and grinding. That boy toy had the nerves to tell me I was too old for him. Needless to say it’s ova betweens him and me and I’ve decided that I ain’t messing with younger mens no more. For now on I’m only gettin with good Godly mens like deacons, preachers, and the ones that faithfully clean up the church house Sunday after Sunday.
One of my 13 childrens is a nurse and she had her job come to the church house to give the mother’s board free exams. Well they took our urine and for some reason mine dropped dirty. And according to my daughter it was durty durty! My daughter was so embarrassed that she ain’t talked to her dear old sweet mama in two weeks. So I’ve decided that glaucoma medicine ain’t worth losing my childrens. I’d rather lose my eye sight then lose one of my babies. Plus my grandson got locked up the otha day and the supply won’t be plentiful like it was when he was living with me. Something about having to pay for the weed on a fixed income helps make me wanna quit. Course I’m really doing it to save me and my baby girls relationship.
I did care for Tyron for more than his body so course I went through a tad bit when we broke up. I found myself turning to Crown Royal instead of the good Lawd. I drank so much Crown Royal in one night that I was releasing waste from both ends at the same time (If you knows what I mean). Anyway, this went on for 3 whole days and it got so bad that Mabel had to buy me a pack of Depends cause I just couldn’t keep it in (if you knows what I mean). On the fourth day I got enough strength to soak in some Epsom Salt but as you probably know my tail was so raw from all that releasing (if you knows what I mean) that it burned like the devil had a torch to my ass (forgive me Lawd) in 150 degree heat while the stove is on. Anyway I’m proud to say I ain’t had a drank in 7 days and counting. Everytime I thanks about dranking I imagine me dranking myself to death and dying in a grown folk pamper with a diaper rash on my ass (forgive Lawd) and going straight to hell. Lawd knows I’ve had an affair with Crown Royal for more years than I can even recall but it just ain’t worth it. I’m a lady and I’m going out with dignity not in no damn diaper.
So babies, I need yall to pray for old Ruthie Ann cause I got a New Attitude like that Patty gurl say and the THRILL IS GONE! Take Care Now.
Few weeks ago Pastor preached on fornication and chile I got so convicted that I rushed home and told my sugar son Tyron he needed to marry me if he wanted to continue bumping and grinding. That boy toy had the nerves to tell me I was too old for him. Needless to say it’s ova betweens him and me and I’ve decided that I ain’t messing with younger mens no more. For now on I’m only gettin with good Godly mens like deacons, preachers, and the ones that faithfully clean up the church house Sunday after Sunday.
One of my 13 childrens is a nurse and she had her job come to the church house to give the mother’s board free exams. Well they took our urine and for some reason mine dropped dirty. And according to my daughter it was durty durty! My daughter was so embarrassed that she ain’t talked to her dear old sweet mama in two weeks. So I’ve decided that glaucoma medicine ain’t worth losing my childrens. I’d rather lose my eye sight then lose one of my babies. Plus my grandson got locked up the otha day and the supply won’t be plentiful like it was when he was living with me. Something about having to pay for the weed on a fixed income helps make me wanna quit. Course I’m really doing it to save me and my baby girls relationship.
I did care for Tyron for more than his body so course I went through a tad bit when we broke up. I found myself turning to Crown Royal instead of the good Lawd. I drank so much Crown Royal in one night that I was releasing waste from both ends at the same time (If you knows what I mean). Anyway, this went on for 3 whole days and it got so bad that Mabel had to buy me a pack of Depends cause I just couldn’t keep it in (if you knows what I mean). On the fourth day I got enough strength to soak in some Epsom Salt but as you probably know my tail was so raw from all that releasing (if you knows what I mean) that it burned like the devil had a torch to my ass (forgive me Lawd) in 150 degree heat while the stove is on. Anyway I’m proud to say I ain’t had a drank in 7 days and counting. Everytime I thanks about dranking I imagine me dranking myself to death and dying in a grown folk pamper with a diaper rash on my ass (forgive Lawd) and going straight to hell. Lawd knows I’ve had an affair with Crown Royal for more years than I can even recall but it just ain’t worth it. I’m a lady and I’m going out with dignity not in no damn diaper.
So babies, I need yall to pray for old Ruthie Ann cause I got a New Attitude like that Patty gurl say and the THRILL IS GONE! Take Care Now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
