The Nerve of Them

Hey babies. Me and Mabel needs to vent for a few minutes if yall don’t mind. Well the church is having our annual picnic in August and we were elected by the Mother’s Board to come up with the activities for the seniors and the seasoned saints. Me and Mabel worked hard on the list of activities and last night the picnic committee had the nerves to revoke our title as the Mother’s Board Senior Activity Committee Chairpersons for the Annual Picnic. The nerves of them! Anyways, they claimed that our activities were not appropriate for the church picnic and that they would no longer need our services.

Now babies, yall be honest with us. Do you thanks that the activities ideas we had was not appropriate or are they just a bunch of haters cause me and Mabel is so creative and all? Take care now.

Signed
Ruthie Ann

Senior & Seasoned Saints Activities

Annual Church Picnic 2008

Church Fanning Contest – of course we all knows church ain’t complete lessin’ a you’s able to work a good church fan – the kind with Martin Lutha Kang and Malcome X and thangs. Even one with a good fun’ral home is good too. We just wants to see who can fan the fastest and longest. I knows strong armed Emma probably gone win this one.

Wig Styling Contest – a church womens closet and wardrobe ain’t complete lessin’ she wearing a good wig. You knows we got our good church wig and well sometimes we needs to have them styled just right. A Christian woman should always know how to do this. Sister Effie could use some practice on her wig. She looks a mess every Sunday.

The Sale-A-Bit Counter – this comes from Ruthie Ann. Since she’s celibate now and done left Tryon alone, we figured it would be a fantastic idea to have her run the bake sale stand where we womens sale-a-bit of this and sale-a-bit of that. The only problem is I thanks she ain’t really delivered. So, I hope she only sale-a-bit of cakes and pies and not none of her goodies.

Rubbin Alcohol Contest – Yes, chile – this is a good one. You know that Arthur (read: arthritis) comes to visit us quite often. One of the ways to kick him in the knee is to get some of that good green rubbin alcohol and give your legs a good rub down. Ladies, it’s time to roll down them knee highs and see who can rub a bottle the fastest.

Chi Chi Slide – That’s right. We is gonna do the latest dance to the Cha Cha slide and we want to see who’s titties aka chi-chi’s can knock out the most folks. So ladies, leave your over the shoulder boulder holders at home and come au natural for this one!

Chitlin Cleaning Contest – Ain’t no woman a woman unless she can get hold of that red bucket full of dirty chitlins and get them squeaky clean. We’ll run the timers for this one and the womens who can cleans a bucket of chitlins the fastest will win. The mother in last place will have to cook and eat her dirty chitlins.

and last but not least,

The Wet T-Shirt Contest - We needs to figure out last and for all which mother looks the most natural. After all, we is Christians so all we plans on doing is getting in the baptismal pool and coming back on up. I still can't figure out why ALL the deacons wanted to be judges. We can only have three though. I was thinking that we could do this contest and put all the young girls to shame - you know, put them back in their place!